“There is a vibration/ That emanates from me/ In whatever I do, / Mingling with,/ Enhancing or detracting from/ The universal vibration,/ Depending upon the quality/ Of my intent./ I commit myself/ To a positive enhancement/ Of the the universal vibration/ In each act and thought/ That I create.” – “The Blessing,” from Essene Meditations and Blessings
The whole world – and everyone in it – has been brought low by a microscopic virus. This is our “universe,” and it has been vibrating and pulsing in our bodies, our minds and our spirits for months longer than we thought we could stand.
So I am trying to be kind to myself as, in the same breath, I have to admit that I’ve been a bit crabby of late. Not about big stuff so much; it’s the little stuff. Irritations. Inconveniences. Forgetting things like putting my 2021 tabs on my license plates before going to the store on August 1 after having them for two weeks, sitting on my counter.
I happened across a few minutes of a talk on YouTube by Mark Nepo a few days ago. I was interrupted, but two things that I heard reminded me. First, that we are grieving, and that anger (see “crabbiness”) is one of its stages. I knew that, but hadn’t related it to my own restlessness and dis-ease of late. That gnashing of the teeth now and then.
The second thing? We are not making our way into a new normal; the new normal is here – right now. We’re never going back to a LOT of what was. We are silently grieving the losses. And lots of us are…well, at least testy. If not some degree of depressed (or “down,” if we don’t like that word).
Meditation of various kinds has served me well, off and on, over the years. Recently, I chose to try unguided meditation again, something that had worked miracles many years ago.
And out of my first unguided meditation, these words arose:
Doing – and seeing – humble little things each day
and counting each one as worthy.
(Worthy: having worth)
I wrote it down – to think about.
An hour later, I was out in the sunshine, 73 degrees and low humidity, a cool breeze surrounding me. Walking again, after a long hiatus, with my Nordic walking poles, I felt wonderful exercising my whole body again. Crabby was already growing fainter.
Then I remembered the words of my meditation. And the world came alive.
I found myself paying attention.
To humble little things.
And lo and behold…
…the tiny yellow wildflowers that were running riot along the walkway were being disturbed by movement. And I noticed! And the little female worker bee came into view, hunting for nectar, flying slowly, hovering for a moment now and then. Just enough time to watch her curious little journey and then get my phone out to catch her in action! Taking my hands out of the pole’s gloves and setting up the shot, my breathing stopped for a moment, as I hoped she would stay long enough. And she did. I smiled, and I counted her worthy! And my crabby became a distant memory.
Farther along, with Queen Anne’s Lace waving elegantly in the wind, I could see a spot of beige sitting on one. Again, ungloving, unpacking, leaning in closely. Watching for a bit, then focusing, and being rewarded with a shot of an ochre insect slowly taking the sun on top of one. And she, too, was worthy!
I looked deep into the center of another lacy wildflower whose name I didn’t know and found its core was beautiful, too. And worthy of wonder and amazement! Worth my time and attention!
I do have trouble imagining that my one wee attitude is going to affect an entire Universe. And yet, my attitude can affect anything and anyone that I am in contact with at any moment. So perhaps there is something to be said for that. An attitude of wonder, an attitude that declares all things worthy can go a long, long way.
What I know is that on that morning, my vibrations out into the outside world were no longer crabby and fragile. They were full of delight at the beauty and complexity of creation, and at my good fortune in being right where I was at just the right moments.
The poet was right… how I am in the world depends on “the quality of my intent.” Even in just my microscopic little space in the Universe. Many of us are still grieving. But in the humble little things, we may find unexpected blessings. And as we look for them, they miraculously tend to show up! And remind us that we, too, are wondrous and worthy!
So maybe it is the humble little things each day that will get us through this after all.
I’m okay with that.